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Rome celebrated this weekend with a three-day gala celebration in honor of the city’s 2760th birthday on April 21st. The party kicked off on Friday evening with a goddess pageant in which Rome’s loveliest young women competed for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity represent the ancient deity Roma. The winner donned a helmet and hoisted a spear to the thunderous applause of an audience that showed full appreciation of her beauty and of the fighting skills she demonstrated in the city defense competition. Judges for the event were some of Rome’s most illustrious citizens, including the Empress Livia, the She-Wolf, the war-god Mars, and Hadrian’s esteemed consort, Antinous.

Saturday’s events included a rekindling of the eternal flame that once burned in honor Vesta, Rome’s goddess of hearth and home. As Vesta’s temple in the Forum Romanum is currently in ruins after centuries of neglect, organizers chose to hold the event in front of Rome’s majestically-preserved Temple of Hercules. Once a god and now a Disney superhero, Hercules attended the ceremony in his usual but oh-so-elegant lion-skin cardigan. “I’m pleased to host these ceremonies at my Temple, Hercules told the press. Poor Vesta, she’s been homeless for so long now. It’s the least I could do with her temple being ruined and no funding for restoration in sight. Don’t you think it’s nice to see the Virgins back at work after all these centuries, even if their home is in shambles?” Following the ceremony, the Roman Emperor hosted a fundraising dinner at the Imperial Palace Hotel. Guests of honor were the Vestal Virgins (who, by necessity, attended without escorts). Four hundred tickets were sold for 1000 sesterces each. Proceeds will be used to support the grain dole.

The weekend of celebration culminated in a Sunday morning parade from the enormous Circus Maximus to the glorious Forum of Caesar. Throngs of plebeians, slaves, friends, Romans, and countrymen lined the parade route hoping for a glimpse of the newly crowned goddess Roma. They were rewarded with a magnificent spectacle of a kind not seen in Rome since the cinematic arrival of Cleopatra in 1962. Bacchic revelers, belly dancers, celebrated gladiators, prisoners of war, senators, and praetorian guards marched through the streets to the beat of drums.

Without a doubt, the highlight of the parade was a special appearance by the Emperor and Empress. Waving at the crowd, the royal couple walked hand-in-hand in what was clearly an attempt to dispel tabloid rumors that their marriage was on the Tarpeian Rock. The event was extremely stylish with participants decked out in fashions from the city’s hottest designers. Despite temperatures in the mid-70s, fur was de rigueur and many of the best-dressed wore exotic black bear pelts and lion skins.

Optimus Maximus, a not-for-profit organization that helps out-of-work gladiators transition to new careers, provided security for the weekend’s events.