Mr. Helmet and Mr. Hairstyle got off Rome’s number 8 tram together yesterday. As we stood on the platform and gazed in awe at this unprecedented spectacle, we were so taken by the similarities of their headgear that we asked them to pose for a photo.
The wondrous scene reminded us of Mark Twain’s spoofed publicity for a gladiatorial contest in Innocents Abroad. Twain claimed to have discovered an ancient playbill that promoted the exclusive appearance of a star gladiator, reading, “MARCUS MARCELLUS VALERIAN! FOR SIX NIGHTS ONLY!” and promised the audience “GENERAL SLAUGHTER!” Taking the joke even further, Twain also announced the discovery a copy of The Roman Daily Battle-Ax that featured a Broadway-style review of games held at the Colosseum:
The opening scene last night…was very fine. The elder of the two gentlemen handled his weapon with a grace that marked the possession of extraordinary talent. His feint of thrusting, followed instantly by a happily delivered blow which unhelmeted the Parthian, was received with hearty applause. He was not thoroughly up in the backhanded stroke, but it was very gratifying to his numerous friends to know that, in time, practice would have overcome this defect. However he was killed. His sisters, who were present, expressed considerable regret. His mother left the Colosseum…The general slaughter was rendered with a faithfulness to detail which reflects the highest credit upon the late participants in it.
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