A few days ago, we weighed in with the Gladiator Gift Guide, offering shopping suggestions for those in your life who are seduced by the glam and glitz of the gladiator or the sparkle and spectacle of the Colosseum.
Today we bring you a list of gifts for Saints, Sinners, and Superstars. What to get those who are pious, prayerful, or penitent? Here’s a list, straight from Rome:
1) After Rapture Mints: For those of us who aren’t going anywhere, After the Rapture Mints are deliciously strong peppermints in a reusable tin. Affordable too! Supplies guaranteed up to but not including the moment of rapture.
2) St. Peter’s Book from the Wonders of the World Series: Keith Miller’s study of the great baroque basilica offers a stimulating perambulation around this vast expanse of sacred space in the company of a sophisticated guide.
3) Good Shlepherd Luggage Tag: As you walk through the valley of unclaimed baggage, be confident that you have given your bags the extra edge of protection from above. Anthony, the Patron Saint of Lost Objects, has you covered. Never travel without him! The Good Shlephard luggage tag is sewn from genuine leather with a heavy cast metal figurine of St. Anthony and foil-embossed prayer.
4) Wash Away Your Sins Lip Balm: Cheap red wine flavor in a deluxe, non-petroleum lip balm base. Reapply frequently, especially during prolonged sin exposure. It’s the handy ointment for the sinner on the go. SDF 18 redemption in a tube is church lady approved.
5) Patron Saints: A Feast of Holy Cards: From the thousands of Catholic saints, authors Barbara Calamari and Sandra DiPasqua have chosen more than 120 beatified figures, all beautifully portrayed on antique holy cards. The book is organized into five sections, with representations of patrons of nations, occupations, health, states of life, and nature, so that readers can find a saint with personal relevance. Each rare holy card is accompanied by a brief text explaining the connections, both allegorical and visual, between the saint and the patronage.
6) Jesus! Look at the Time!: How many times a day do YOU look at your watch and utter those immortal words “Jesus! Look at the Time!” Well, we would like to help you manage your busy schedule in his own modest way. Just wind this classic watch in the morning, and you’ll see Jesus all day, wagging his wrist just a little impatiently, checking his watch, and sending you the message, “tis time to geteth a move on, my child!”
7) Holy Toast: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but it can also be the most miraculous. Push this plastic miracle maker into your piece of bread, remove it, then put the bread into the toaster and “presto,” instant amazement and awe! As it cooks, the distinct outline of the Virgin Mary will appear in the bread. When you serve it, they won’t know whether to eat it with some grape jelly or sell it on eBay.
8) Forbidden Fruit Sour Apple Candy: A taste of the original sin.
9) Moses Little Thinker Doll: Comes complete with crooked staff and a plush copy of the Ten Commandments.
10) Wash Away Your Sins Breath Spray: Handy spiritual refreshment in merciful mint. Administer mist lightly for foul mouth and generously for bigger transgressions. Exhale and comune with confidence.
11) Buddh-Its Notes: Booklet with assorted sticky notes for enlightened thoughts
12) Antique Chinese Hell Money: These Chinese Hell Bank Notes were designed to be burned as an offering for your relatives in the afterlife (for more information, click here). This set includes an assortment of 10 notes of varying sizes and currencies. Each printed with different kinds of paper and ink. Very limited stock!
